3 things I miss about living in Poland

Yes, I know how much I complained when I actually lived there but hey, its human nature. You never fully get what you have till you’re removed from the situation and stand far enough to appreciate it. I was feeling rather positive and a lil adventurous today, I decided to trust the African salon down the street with my natural hair …. what an unholy mess that was. Please, please do not even let  me get into the rant, Lord don’t make me do it! I’ve been natural for 4 years and I know the number one rule for all naturals is to never compare your hair to anyone else’s, but my goodness have I fallen behind on my journey. Anyway, I will reluctantly move on to how I came about the title of this post. So after getting my hair totally messed up ( leaving out the obscenities) I decided to go through memory lane to see where I dropped the ball, the most pictures I took of my hair was while I was in Poland because I was blogging more actively then (which should really be the 4th thing I miss about Poland, the time and inspiration to blog). As I was going through all the hair pictures I stumbled across the amazing time I had in the Poland. I know this sounds awful and corny, but guys I actually think I found a lil of myself while I was there. Some days I was incredibly lonely and depressed but on other days I was a bit fearless and just open to everything. My mind worked in a better way, a more creative way! But these are the 3 things I miss the “mostest” 🙂

  1. I miss my time with God probably the most. I can not explain the hunger and thirst I had for God when I first got to Wroclaw. Plus I took part in the RCCG 100 days fast which truly changed my spiritual life. The peace I felt was second to none, even though I was in strange place with no one I knew, I felt so at home with God and made real progress with my spiritual life. It gave me a tiny glimpse of what I could really enjoy and gain from constantly being in God’s presence. It was awesome, it was one of the best moments of my life.
  2. I miss how amazing my hair and skin was then. Because I was actively blogging and documenting my hair journey I guess I just gave more of a  ish about my hair. I almost cried when I came across a picture of hair with full edges! I have taken so many things for granted this last year with my hair. I have taken liberties and seriously backtracked my journey. Now I have my wedding in 5 months and I’m not sure I can make any measurable progress before then. I will not lie guys, the creamy crack is at the top of my list, like right at the top of my list, followed closely by cutting it all off to start afresh! My skin… where do I start? My skin has been fairly ok till recently which can probably be attributed to me taking somewhat desperate measures to keep my facial issues under control. Again, I have 5 months to get my skin to the best it’s ever been. I’m not the most promising bride, am I? 😦
  3. I miss how opened minded living in a new place made me. I tried so many new things, found new things that I enjoyed, shared a different culture with new friends. Realised that once I opened up a bit I was actually quite likeable and learned how to be by myself and not get suicidal. Found new ways to keep myself occupied and entertained. It’s crazy how a small town in Poland could make me want so much more out of every aspect of my life. Spiritually, professionally, mentally, physically and even financially (surprisingly) I was in a sound place. But then human nature walks in and starts pointing out everything that is wrong with the situation and then you start dropping all the lessons you learned… then one day you get your hair massacred and realise that you had it good before.

God help me to be less human sometimes so I can really take what you give me as it is and appreciate it there and then.

Amen.

Goodnight.

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Help! I think I might be in the wrong Box…

Recently I’ve been a little out of sorts in my work life, it’s like we all fit somewhere in life and I’m not sure if I’m in the right “somewhere”. I’m of those people who think that your job- what you do for a living- really defines who you are and your life. If you have a busy passionate life outside work then you might disagree and that’s perfectly fine. Good while ago, way before I started any professional job I would have frequent panic attacks, and seriously freak out because I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I should be doing. I got a good education and I’m educated to a Masters level in the same field as my Bachelors. I don’t know why I studied what I did but I guess it was because I wanted to have something to fall back on if my dream job didn’t work out. At the time I didn’t even know what my dream job would be, and I still don’t know. But I knew I never wanted people to look at me and think you’re only doing this because you couldn’t cut it in school, I never wanted that.

Fast forward to only a couple of years ago, I got a 9-5 and it was brilliant and sort of perfect because it was a job in my educational field (not that what you learn in school has anything to do with what you actually do in work). So I had this job that was really challenging and gave me a lot to learn in a relatively short period. 6 months down the line I get bored and slightly unmotivated but still comfortable. I get offered another role in the company and as usual I take it all in, it proves challenging but I eventually learn the ropes and its great. 6 months after that I get bored again, uninterested again, at this stage I able to my job in my sleep nothing really challenges me. And then I get offered the opportunity to come out here (Poland) and work for this really amazing company. I’m not too crazy about the location but work keeps me pumped you know. It made me see what a real career would look like in this field if I really wanted it. And the first three months I was driven, every day was exciting and  I really thought that maybe this was what I should have done all this time (by the way thinking through all these things makes me realise just awesome God has been to me!).

Fast forward to now. I feel my clutch on the 9-5 life slipping, every now and again I get this doomsday sort of feeling, it feels like I’m being left behind. And it just reminds me of time and how much of it I might not have. I’m all for taking a leap of faith and starting something from scratch, and I know a lot of things I could do and be good at but I just don’t know what it is. I haven’t had enough conviction to start something. I know a lot of you out there are entrepreneurs and some of you even very successful at it, so you should know the feeling I’m talking about. The moment of clarity where you can see yourself doing something and you know where you want to take it, or you can see the potential for real growth. This gives you the real conviction to just run with the plan, take that leap of faith, quit that job, you know what I mean? What’s so ironic is that I pick people for roles every day, I work in recruitment. I sit in front of candidates and ask them what they’re dream job is and why they want the role. And just from that I can pretty much decide if they would be a right fit for the role, team or company. Yet I can’t do it for myself! I know this much, I would get more satisfaction if I wasn’t working in a 9-5, I can do it but it doesn’t mean that I should. Sometimes I think I’m going to die and never do what I was born to do, it scares the crap out of me but I know God is too faithful to let that happen. All these opportunities I get to work in different places and gain new experiences is for something coming up in the future I just need to sit tight and trust God.

The End.