The Testimony

How it always plays out in my mind…

We go through things and complain. We talk about hindsight like an ex we just can’t get over. When things are tough we go back to God demanding an explanation, almost implying that  He must have made a mistake. You feel stuck, in a dead end sitution that you feel could have been easily avoided so why would God allow it?? We quote the scripture; “He causes all things to work out for the good….” or “I know the plans I have for you says the Lord…” but yet we fret when we have to trust Him and let Him be God. We go back crying to him to see a sneak peak of the master plan because this can’t possibly be making sense anymore. We’ve tried to think about what lesson we’re meant to learn from this “season” of our lives. And then we remember the scripture, “Your thoughts are not my thoughts neither are your ways my way” and it brings us comfort in the moment but as soon as that passes we lose hope. Trust becomes difficult even when it is literally our only option.

I take actions every day and make decisions from time to time. In recent years I’ve come to praying  before making any decision. And that makes sense to me because I believe every decision I make has implications for the future and I know that I can’t see into the future but I know God can. Some other people believe that the universe orchestrates or ordains their future so they let things fall into place haphazardly sometimes… If it’s meant to be…. My “universe” is God and He is much more bigger than the universe so I ask and commit every decision to Him. And even for the times I don’t and end up making the wrong decision, He still moves things around and aligns my actions so that it all works out in the end. I know this like I know my name, but somehow I still catch myself consciously exchanging this assuredness for worry, restlessness, panic, dread. Other times I go as far as relying solely on my efforts (if you are not a Christian, I get how this seems logical, but it’s not to me). 

I made a decision almost a year ago that I thought was the right decision… then the wrong decision… then the right decision. And it went back and forth like this till it become irrelevant. Like I said earlier, I believe every decision has implications for your future but at some point I just couldn’t see the reason behind my decision. How could I have prayed about this decision and all it was giving me was grief around every corner. Day in day out I would go back to God and just complain and relive the day I made the wrong decision (according to me). What good could possibly come out of this, and how had I got it so wrong this time after praying about it? Fast forward to present day and I am reminded why I have faith, why I can never rely solely on my own efforts and how my limited my view is. That seemingly “bad” decision I made a year ago has been the very thing that God has used to bless and sustain me in my current situation. I went through a phase of asking God how I was going to pull this off, how would I survive and but God just kept silent because He had already gone way ahead of me to make provision for my future lack like by that one decision I made. I couldn’t see in it in my own right because all I can ever see is the Now but God sees the Then. Just because you go through some tough unpleasant times doesn’t mean it wasn’t ordained by God. Don’t let the devil discourage you from trusting God with a little hardship. That it becomes difficult does not mean it is wrong, pointless or bad. Keep the faith and believe that God is in control. 

I know this testimony is nondescript and a bit ambiguous but I left it this way to make it easy for you to insert yourself into the story. Fill in your situation, your hardship, your provision and your hope. Let this be your testimony too, because whatever stage of the story you fall into, I believe that God will still cause every thing to work out for your good if you believe.

I have stalled on writing this because I kept getting bogged down with the details of the testimony and believe the devil used that as stumbling block for me. But today U decided to leave out the details of the testimony and let you know the moral of the story – which is all that matters – whatever you are going through at the moment, whether you started off with God or not, trust that He is able turn every situation that you are in and make it all work out in the end. The end might not be today, next month, this year or even the next but it will all make sense in the end – whenever that might be for you.

You’re doing “baby friendly” abi??!!! (Exclusively Breastfeeding in an African Household)

So I was home (Nigeria) visiting my hubby and parents two months ago for about six weeks and this phrase plagued my entire trip. Btw, “baby friendly” means breastfeeding. Yes people, I have been teased for exclusively breastfeeding (EBF) my son. I don’t even know where to start this rant from, like honestly it blows my mind. What else should I be doing??? I’m not commended or admired for it, I’m teased and made fun of. Anyone that EBF  knows how much of a sacrifice this is and the toll it takes on you. It’s not a thing of convenience at all… your life is glued to a small baby for 6 months to a year or even longer depending on your commitment. You can’t just run out the house at a moment’s notice, for every where you plan on going you need to think about where you’d be able to nurse. You second guess every item of clothing you put on, the type of bra you have on, hours in between feeds so you don’t get engorged. There are so many cons to EBF, the list is endless. But the pros easily outweigh the cons for me – it’s the best thing you can give your child. Once I remind myself of this fact the cons list becomes so insignificant. 

Breastfeeding is hard!!! So many mums try and give up because they just can’t hack it or are physically unable to. My son’s latch was wrong for his first 6 weeks, the pain was excruciating! I remember how the hair on the back of my neck would stand every time he would start to stir from sleep because it was time for a feed or if anyone dared to wake him. I would do quick pants for the first 2 mins of his feed because of the pain. My nipples were constantly raw and sore. With all this I was still determined to breastfeed so I stuck with it and got help where I could and eventually my son just learnt to get it right himself. We both become pros together. In the first few weeks of his birth I felt like a failure for not being able to get it right but I stuck with it stubbornly because I wanted to give my son the best. So to have gone through that with no one motivating me but myself only to be ridiculed by family set me seething silently. Just to be clear, I’m not opposed to formula feeding either. I had initially planned on mix feeding – formula and BM – but when he wasn’t latching correctly I stopped bottle feeding to avoiding confusing him …. big mistake (rant for another day). My son also never took to formula so EBF was the only option for me. I would have been happy to do both breastfeeding and bottle feeding with expressed milk but it was not to be. If it isn’t boob then he ain’t interested.

Now if I was just being ridiculed and teased I wouldn’t mind too much, sticks and stones right? But it’s the ganging up and telling me that my son is not as healthy as other babies because he isn’t chubby that riles me up to no end! Back home (Nigeria), being chubby is the only way to show that a child is healthy, never mind the baby’s actual weight! If he isn’t a chunky baby then nothing else matters. My son’s weight is right on TRACK, I’ve measured him against his percentile and checked in with medical professionals but what do they know πŸ˜’. Just because I was chubby as a baby doesn’t mean my son has to be! Plus he isn’t 100% me, he’s half his father too who might not have been chubby as a kid! I’m was constantly being badgered to start him on solids at 4 months or sooner and give him water because he can’t possibly be getting all his needs from breast milk alone. And God forbid you tell them the advice you received from your midwife or seasoned pediatrician because apart from dedicating most of their lives to this field what do they know??? Like come on! Since when did waiting till 6 months to wean become a western thing? And I wasn’t even going to wait till 6 months to wean but the fact that I was being dictated to on when I needed to start my son on solids, regardless of what my plans were as the mother made me want to wait till 6 months just to be defiant😠! 

And even though I know I’m right, as a new mum the pressure gets to you and the temptation to give in can overwhelm you most times. But I stayed strong and did it my way. It’s hard when it’s family giving you advice; you don’t want to offend anyone but you also don’t want to be a pushover when it comes to your child. Plus, technically they do know more than you, but you are a mum now and no one will ever know your child better than you so stand your ground! Don’t get me wrong, I know their way does work- it was tried on me and I’m fairly normal πŸ™ƒ but there isn’t just the ONE right way to do things. Yes, I could take their approach and do things more traditionally, to be honest the convenience of it all is tempting, but it’s not what I want. It’s my decision and I’m well aware of the sacrifice required and happy to make it. 

Please, stop with the teasing, even if it’s done in love- it messes with our confidence as new mums. This stuff is hard enough on its own without people making fun of our efforts – we don’t exactly have it all figured out. And, there is no competition to prove that African babies are stronger because they start on solids earlier – even if there was one, I’m not interested! Let them call me bougie, or a Google mum, I don’t care and you shouldn’t either! Your family might think you rude and stubborn but none of that will matter because your child will be safe and healthy and you would know in your heart that you’ve done right by your baby. We also need to remind ourselves that this is our first child, it could take a while for family and friends to acknowledge and respect us in our new role as mums. 

If “baby friendly” is your jam right now then stick to it, and if it’s formula feeding or mix feeding then stand your ground. Wean when your baby when he/she is good and ready, if you want to wait till 6 months or start earlier like I did, it’s all gucci boo! We do the best we can in a role that is taught by life alone, and I think we are all doing a fantastic job! 
Rant over 😊.

7 Years and Counting – A Long Distance Relationship Success StoryΒ 

I’ve decided to start this week off on a thankful note. Read this verse yesterday as part of my devotional and it’s stuck with me; 

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God, and keep the vows you made to the Most High.

Psalms 50:14 NLT

I don’t know why, I read a tonne of verses that instruct us  to always give thanks no matter what. Maybe it’s the fact that the verse before highlights the fact that God doesn’t actually need our offerings or money, all he wants is a sacrifice of thankfulness. It’s so simple but profound to me, so this morning I’ve woken up in a super positive and thankful state. Despite getting very little sleep all thanks to my little human, I find myself surprisingly at peace and grounded. To top it off I’ve just had an awesome conversation with my husband which also brought about this post. 

My husband and I have been together for 7 years this year, and in those 7 years we’ve been apart. Yes, long distance. We met through a mutual friend via Twitter and then in person 7 months later and that pretty much kicked things off for us. The longest time we’ve ever spent together at a go was 3 months during my pregnancy. That being said we have a great relationship and are in the process of building a good marriage. 

I am beyond grateful for just how amazing God has been to the both of us. We met on social media and even I didn’t believe anything concrete could come from it but here we are 7 years later married and with a beautiful baby boy! I’ve taken how big a deal what we’re doing is for granted a lot of the times and stopped me from being thankful to God. It is a huge deal that we are still together and in love. I know people who have been in relationships with their partners in the same country and they still couldn’t hack it, or how they found out they still didn’t know each other. I’m proud to say that I know my husband to very good extent and there isn’t a lot he could do that would surprise me and vice versa. You don’t get to know people by sleeping in the same bed with them every night or seeing each other everyday. There has to be a willingness from the other person to want to communicate and open up. You have to want to learn about the other person and welcome dialogue.

We fight just as much as the next couple and have had some pretty close calls but we’ve made it through. I know that long distance isn’t ideal for any relationship and I’m thrilled to say that ours will soon be coming to an end, finally! But I know it’s made us better friends and strengthen our trust. It’s made communication priority and  forced us to mature quickly. And with as great as all that is, its still blatantly obvious that without God carrying us in the palm of his hands we definitely would not have made it. Speaking for myself, God’s grace and has been ever sufficient for me. On many occasions I could have singlehandedly brought our relationship  to our end but God went ahead of me and gave me husband more patience and the grace to forgive. We didn’t make it this far because we’re experts in communication or have it all figured out. We’re definitely not good, but God is. I can say with all confidence that the only reason we’ve made it this far is because God wanted us to and we’ve been willing to work at it. 

Thank God for the Holy Spirit who is the best one on one marriage counsellor. Thank You for bringing us this far!

P.S I’ll be following up on this with a post on things that we do that helped us in a long distance relationship. Keep your eyes peeled πŸ˜‰

Today…

All around me I can see what needs to be done – kitchen to clean, bottles to sterilise, bible plans to catch up on, diaper genie to be emptied, laundry to be done, sheets to be changed… the list is endless. But at the centre of all of this is my baby. He is finally asleep peacefully on my chest in his last clean sleep suit. The sound of his breathing seems to be the only thing I’ve ever needed to hear. I can’t bring myself to put him down because what excuses would I have then? Everyday I wake up with determination about how my day is going to go and everyday I’m taught that planning is all good and fine but what really gets ticked off the list is determination – deciding to get things done whether or not they fall perfectly into your day.

Every day with my son is a curve ball, nothing ever goes to plan. I’m aware of the time but that’s pretty much where our relationship starts and end. I have a new clock now. I can feel my eyes getting heavier as the sound of his breathing lulls me into slumber. Yes determination is great but sometimes take the curve balls as a sign from above and just sleep 😊

Life update… what’s been going on!

It’s coming up to almost 2 years since my last post- disregarding my most recent post of course. I was in the middle of planning my wedding the last a time I put a post up and now I’ve just skipped right to having a baby. Yes guys, I did get married, things were done the proper way 😊. Baby arrived on my wedding anniversary as a matter of fact so you can do the math if you would like lol.

I’m not sure what way to do this. I mean this blog is really more of a personal diary than anything else. I don’t do a whole lot to get traffic going here and i guess what I’m getting at is whether or not I should fill whoever in on the last two years? The wedding planning, the actual wedding, changing jobs, then getting pregnant and then moving…there’s a lot! Or maybe a fresh should start is what is needed? 

I would like to think that I am a completely different person from my last post in 2015, but am I really? I mean I’m a wife and mother in the space of a year but I don’t think I’ve changed that much. I think I wish I had changed in some way… for the better at least but instead I feel like I’ve just added layers for each new role while remaining the same at my core, you know what I mean? Like I’m a mum but im not just that, I’m Dupe as a mum. Underneath all the things that make me a mum you can still see accents of me 😊.

Ok, maybe I’ll just summarise for the sake of record keeping. Planning the wedding was stressful especially as it was during a super busy period at work. I felt split. I always had to be in work earlier than normal to clear the constant backlog and stay back late to get a jump start on the next day. In the midst of that we were being taken over by a new company which presented an entirely different hassle of its own. And with the wedding getting closer I was still trying to stay on top of my fitness which meant late night gym sessions after a long day. The only time I had to plan was sometimes to and from work but I somehow made it work. I managed to make 2 trips home that year before going back a third time for the actual wedding. I will tell you this, planning your wedding will test your relationship in one way or another just make sure you always remember what the end goal is. 

Picking my dress was a thing in itself! It’s no child’s play! I tried on about 25 dresses and ended up picking no.1 of the 25 dresses 7 months later πŸ˜†. 

So the wedding came and went with minor hitches. Overall it was a beautiful and blessed day. Not everything went according to plan but at the same time nothing went drastically wrong either thank Jesus! 

Fast forward to just over 3 months after the wedding and I find out I’m pregnant right after starting a new job. It was a FTC role so naturally when the found out I was pregnant they were less inclined to extend my contract… which thinking about it now was probably for the best as I did not exactly love the role, it just wasn’t a right fit. 

So I’ve had the baby and I’m about 4 months into this motherhood thing and personally I think it’s going good but we’ll leave that for another post πŸ˜‰. In terms of how often I’m going to post now that I’m trying to be back, I really can’t say. My life revolves around my small human, it’s not all about my son but he is definitely a determining factor in most things at this stage of his life. I have tonnes of post just sitting in my drafts and I’m not quite sure how to fit them into my current life, everything seems so changed these days I’m not always entirely sure if I can still relate to my previous state of mind. I read a post I drafted in my first months of pregnancy and I was in shock with how ungrateful and selfish I sounded. Oh BTW, when I found out I was pregnant I was not thrilled at all, and not because I didn’t love kids- I adore them but I wasn’t ready. I wanted so badly to be ready mentally, financially, physically and emotionally. I always said I wanted to be a stay at home mum for about a year and to do that we’d have to make sure our finances were in check. And at 3 months after a wedding we weren’t there yet, plus I just got this new job and things looked like they were picking up – not that pregnancy is the part of life “picking up”- but it wasn’t for me at that moment in my life. But yea, reading that post made feel so disconnected from myself especially since having my son. And I know some of you will say that I’m being too hard on myself and it’s OK to want to wait and be prepared but I’m so happy that I had my son when I did. I’m 4 months in and it’s just right, its not perfect but I know it’s right. I expected to be writing about life after a year of marriage and how we were ready to expand our family but life has a funny way of happening to your plans. I’ll just have to go with the flow from now on. I won’t make any promises about getting posts up but I will try and do better this year. I feel that this part of my life deserves some sort of documenting even if it’s just for myself πŸ˜‹. 

My Birth Story πŸ’Œ

18th of December and still no sign of baby or any sort of movement down there! I was now 8 days overdue and I know due dates are never really accurate but I really wanted to have my baby early and not late. I had my mind set on the 2nd of December initially which would have made me a week early but that Friday came and went without the slightest cramp. My due date was the 9th of December and I wanted to have him way before the rush and bustle of Christmas. So now it was the 18th and my mum had us all in the living room for some good ol’ family devotion time which always turned into a mini sermon when we let her lead (in our family you’re never too old to be cajoled into family devotion time 😁). So we were wrapping things up with prayer requests from everyone and we all decided enough was enough, this baby had to come today ( the 18th of December). So we held hands and put our faith together and prayed. Being pregnant on its own was such a task but being overdue brought on a new level of frustration, not just on me but on the family too. I was so uncomfortable and barely sleeping plus I was super anxious to meet my baby. It obviously did not help that everyone else seemed to be having their babies just fine albeit even early!!! Some days I would just stay in bed all day or shed pathetic tears at night, I was just so tired and in constant discomfort. Hubby would have to rub my back and remind me of how perfect God’s timing is and to be patient . It also did not help that my midwives were unwilling to do anything in the lines of induction because it was my first baby and I was low risk. So I would sit through appointments while they smiled and told me it was normal to be 2 weeks overdue and I should hang in there. Damn you low risk pregnancy!! Anyway, back to the 18th, we went about our business as usual after praying – even with the prayers it still felt like things might never ever kick off (thank God that the prayers weren’t resting on my faith alone as I was running very low). Towards the evening I started getting very intense back aches like more intense that usual and sitting was not enough to make them go away this time. I should have suspected something was off but I had been on my feet most of the day so I just got on with it. When I got home from running erands the pain went back to normal as soon as I sat on my pregnancy ball but my braxton hicks were like every minute now! At midnight I called it a night and got ready for bed. About an hour later I got up to pee for what seemed like the millionth time, I noticed I was bleeding. I had read up on what “the show” should look like and I was pretty sure this wasn’t it but it was still alarming. I mentioned it to hubby who was adamant that we call the hospital and see what they had to say – I was very chilled about the whole thing and very reluctant to call in but eventually I did and I was told to come in. Luckily the hospital was only a 5min drive from home so if they had to send us back home, which I was sure they would, it wouldn’t be so bad. We (myself, mum and hubby) got to the hospital and were shown into a delivery room immediately to wait for a midwife and doctor. Bear in mind that I wasn’t feeling any sort of pain at this time, I found it all very exciting. I had never spent time in the hospital my entire adult life so this was weird being there in the middle of the night. Eventually the midwife and consultant on call came in to assess me and ask me questions about the bleeding. Turns out it was my show so there was nothing to worry about which translated to your behind is going back home… that was until the doctor asked me how baby’s movement had been over the last two weeks as I was now pushing 42 weeks. Told her they were ok but he wasn’t as active during the day as before, which I thought was nothing because he was probably resting getting ready for labour,right? The look of horror on their faces let me know that I was WRONG! I wasn’t naive or nothing, just that I had mentioned it to my midwife at check ups and she didn’t seem alarmed. This changed every thing. They went from not wanting to interfere to wanting to start induction that morning to get baby out as soon as! I was like finally, game time! That enthusiasm lasted for about 5 mins till they went over the process of induction with me. 

They were going to kickoff the process with the infamous stretch and sweep (kill me now) this is when they take two fingers into your cervix and move it around to get things going – it was NOT PLEASANT. I hand to squeeze hubby’s hand and do breathing exercises to get through it. Halfway through she asked me if I was ok or if I needed her to pull her hand out, which meant she would have to go back in, gave her a solid NO through my pants. I was so fed up being pregnant that if I had to go through some discomfort to get things going I was pretty much game. Besides so far nothing about my delivery had gone to plan so I was going with the flow and saying yes to everything, I just wanted to meet my baby and get my bladder back.

I got admitted that night and was booked in for an induction first thing that morning. This was my first time in a hospital overnight, my hubby and mum were asked to go home and come back later in the morning. It was weird, I was oddly charged and anxious that this was actually happening. I didn’t get much sleep and having the stretch and sweep brought on some mild cramps which escalated and hand me keeling over by the time I had to go back to my delivery room. I met a new midwife who would carry out the induction and be with me for the whole day…. well till her shift ended. At first I didn’t have any confidence in her, she looked quite young. I actually thought she was a student midwife but boy was I wrong! To start the induction, lets call her Molly ☺, Molly had to check if I was dilated at all and also break my water at the same time. It didn’t hurt getting my water broken probably because her hand was already up there checking my cervix… AGAIN! Once my water was broken the real labour kicked off. I will say this, having your water break makes labour that bit more unpleasant. You literally just sit in a bed with liquid squirting out of you with each passing contraction. They give you this sort of pad thing that absorbs the fluids so it doesn’t mess up the actual bed which I suppose is good but you still have to sit in it. Plus at this point you have no knickers on so everything is out in the open. Not only was I trying to cope with the contractions I now had to cope with the disgusting wetness down there that seemed never ending, I mean how much water did I have in there anyway?!

My birthplan included me labouring in a birth pool and giving birth there if possible but with the induction the baby had to be constantly monitored and I had a drip put in my hand eventually to speed things up. By the time I had my water broken hubby and mum were back in the room, just as well too, the contractions felt like my midsection was being ripped through. I needed help sitting up for every contraction because taking them laying down on my back was not an option.Contractions were getting closer and closer and I  had been offered painkillers along the way but declined willing myself to do without anything till I physically could not go on anymore. The thing about contractions is that they tire you out so after about 5 hours of going at it with nothing, I gave in and with an approving nod from my mum, I uttered the blessed word – EPIDURAL!!!!

Now the thing about me and an epidural is that I hate needles! Like absolutely petrified of them, I’ve always joked about needing an epidural to get an epidural. And where they have to stick the needle in as well… goodness, it’s just all bad! With the day I’d been having everything I had put down as never wanting to happen had already happened so I just gave in. Plus the contractions were demonic at this stage so I was briefly distracted from processing what getting an epidural actually entailed. Plus it was too late, I was already in the hospital gown that shows your arse and sitting on the edge of the bed with my back bent leaning into my mum’s chest to steady myself. I was so thrilled my mum was there as hubby had to sit this one out once he saw the anesthetist’s instruments. Its a good thing I didn’t see them myself because I would have changed my mind. Getting an epidural with contractions so close together is such a delight as the procedure requires you to be exceptionally still because of where it’s being placed, and my contractions caused me to vibrate violently from head to toe. Let’s just say it took a lot longer for him to find the right spot in my spine and I can swear he hit the wrong nerve at one point because I had pins and needles on one side of my body and my legs began to jerk of its own accord. Like I said, it was an absolute delight πŸ˜‘.

Right so I had gotten the epidural and everything thing had started to slow down. I was ready for my nap- everyone told me you get a nap when you get an epidural because it slows everything down. Even the midwife told me to get settled in for a nap- I was exhausted! I asked hubby and mum to go home for lunch, it was going to be at least 3 hours and we only lived a 15mins walk from the hospital- plus, I was only 4cm dilated! It would take me ages to get to 10cm, or so I thought. After much persuasion they left and I was settling in for my glorious nap, even asked Molly to turn down the lights, I was about to go in on this nap! If only the bloody monitor would stop making that beeping noise every so often. Oh, I forgot to mention, because I was wriggling so much during my conractions they couldn’t get a steady read on the baby so they had to stick something on is head to monitor him better- you know what that meant- yet another hand up my hoo-ha.

Molly came back in to check the machine every so often,  and I knew it had something to do with baby so I had to ask. She said baby kept having dips in his heart rate and that was what that reoccurring beeping noise was. She looked a little worried so I was super worried, she tried to break down the medical jargon for me but I was starting to panic! A consultant came in to talk more jargon to me, all I heard was baby was getting tired and if I wasn’t fully dilated they would have to get him out through cesarean. The smallest part of me was calm about this part because low key, I was petrified of pushing. I didn’t think I could do it πŸ™ˆ. I was asked to call hubby and mum back to the hospital in case they had to wheel me to the theatre. I’d never had surgery in my life! Even though it was routine for them it was pretty scary for me- called hubby and mum ASAP and asked them to come back! The consultant check how dilated I was and surprise surprise I was fully dilated. I went from barely 4cm to 10cm  just under 2 hours in spite of the epidural. After they had emptied my bladder with the catheter (another thing I did not want happening ticked off my list πŸ™ƒ) thankfully they did not have to leave it there. Once my bladder was emptied it was time to push… but I wasn’t ready, I mean my mum and hubby weren’t there and I didn’t want to do it alone. Plus I didn’t even know how to push and I wanted it to be like in the movies where I’d have my hubby holding my hand telling me I could do it while wiping my forehead. Instead I was alone in the room with Molly who was eager for me to start pushing because of baby’s heart rate. She told me to push into my bum like I wanted to do a big poo. I told her that was precisely what I was trying to avoid ( that was the one thing on that horrid list I refused to have ticked off!)

Pushing with an epidural can be tricky but I had only had the initial dose and was never topped up so I was very aware of everything that was going on down there. Where there was no pain per second because of the epidural I could still feel the intense pressure of each contraction so instead of molly having to look at a monitor to check for contractions I could tell her myself. My first go at pushing was pathetic, I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t actually think it was going to make anything happen. The epidural was obviously at work masking the actual effort I put into each push. Thankfully 5mins into me pushing my hubby makes an appearance without my mum. I was getting better at my pushes now and still trying really hard not to crap myself. And because there was one thing left un-ticked on my list of horrid things that I never wanted happen to me, it was only natural that Molly would say that she would have to cut me on my next contraction to avoid me tearing. At that stage I did not care- I was tired and the effects of the epidural had pretty much worn off. I was over the process, I wanted to meet my baby and put this pain behind me. On my next contraction I felt her make the cut as I gave my last push and the sensation after that was sooooo weird! It went from stinging and burning to a quick slither of limbs and then a glorious cry. I did it! My baby was out and screaming for everyone to hear. Two seconds later my mum walks in as they placed baby on my chest. I could not believe it. I mean I knew I was carrying a little human this whole time but seeing him instead of just feeling him was surreal. There he was on my chest as content as ever quietly sucking on the edge of his hand and falling asleep peaceful. I was in awe of what had happened and the fact that I did it. God was behind it all from his conception to that very moment! Not like I needed more reason to be grateful to God but I was, and speechless too! Just overflowing with gratitude- my baby was finally here. 

A Few of my favourite things … INGLOT

Hello guys! This is embarrassingly over due but I wanted to share it with you anyway. You guys know what I was like when I discovered Inglot while in Poland and how insanely cheap it was! Let’s just say it was a good day! And you have seen some of my previous post where I featured my new buys, but just in case you missed it, you can click here and here πŸ™‚ In this post I’ll be showing you some of the amazing matte blushes I got while I was there and a few extra eye shadows I got. Because I’m a lazy heifer I didn’t put any of the product numbers in this post, its such chore having to take individual pans out to look at product number but if there is anyone that catches your eye and you want the product number let me know in the comment section.

Inglot Freedom palette - Matte blushes
Inglot Freedom palette – Matte blushes
Blush swatches... very pigmented
Blush swatches… very pigmented
Some of the additional palettes I got just because. The in the middle is a lipstick palette I put together
Some of the additional palettes I got just because. The in the middle is a lipstick palette I put together
I added some new colours and moved them around... I love how easy it is to just have this on the go with you. I still think hands down Inglot have the most beautiful packaging. The freedom system palettes are so cool looking but also sturdy!
I added some new colours and moved them around… I love how easy it is to just have this on the go with you. I still think hands down Inglot have the most beautiful packaging. The freedom system palettes are so cool looking but also sturdy!
Close ups of my extra shadows.
Close ups of my extra shadows.