Help! I think I might be in the wrong Box…

Recently I’ve been a little out of sorts in my work life, it’s like we all fit somewhere in life and I’m not sure if I’m in the right “somewhere”. I’m of those people who think that your job- what you do for a living- really defines who you are and your life. If you have a busy passionate life outside work then you might disagree and that’s perfectly fine. Good while ago, way before I started any professional job I would have frequent panic attacks, and seriously freak out because I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I should be doing. I got a good education and I’m educated to a Masters level in the same field as my Bachelors. I don’t know why I studied what I did but I guess it was because I wanted to have something to fall back on if my dream job didn’t work out. At the time I didn’t even know what my dream job would be, and I still don’t know. But I knew I never wanted people to look at me and think you’re only doing this because you couldn’t cut it in school, I never wanted that.

Fast forward to only a couple of years ago, I got a 9-5 and it was brilliant and sort of perfect because it was a job in my educational field (not that what you learn in school has anything to do with what you actually do in work). So I had this job that was really challenging and gave me a lot to learn in a relatively short period. 6 months down the line I get bored and slightly unmotivated but still comfortable. I get offered another role in the company and as usual I take it all in, it proves challenging but I eventually learn the ropes and its great. 6 months after that I get bored again, uninterested again, at this stage I able to my job in my sleep nothing really challenges me. And then I get offered the opportunity to come out here (Poland) and work for this really amazing company. I’m not too crazy about the location but work keeps me pumped you know. It made me see what a real career would look like in this field if I really wanted it. And the first three months I was driven, every day was exciting and  I really thought that maybe this was what I should have done all this time (by the way thinking through all these things makes me realise just awesome God has been to me!).

Fast forward to now. I feel my clutch on the 9-5 life slipping, every now and again I get this doomsday sort of feeling, it feels like I’m being left behind. And it just reminds me of time and how much of it I might not have. I’m all for taking a leap of faith and starting something from scratch, and I know a lot of things I could do and be good at but I just don’t know what it is. I haven’t had enough conviction to start something. I know a lot of you out there are entrepreneurs and some of you even very successful at it, so you should know the feeling I’m talking about. The moment of clarity where you can see yourself doing something and you know where you want to take it, or you can see the potential for real growth. This gives you the real conviction to just run with the plan, take that leap of faith, quit that job, you know what I mean? What’s so ironic is that I pick people for roles every day, I work in recruitment. I sit in front of candidates and ask them what they’re dream job is and why they want the role. And just from that I can pretty much decide if they would be a right fit for the role, team or company. Yet I can’t do it for myself! I know this much, I would get more satisfaction if I wasn’t working in a 9-5, I can do it but it doesn’t mean that I should. Sometimes I think I’m going to die and never do what I was born to do, it scares the crap out of me but I know God is too faithful to let that happen. All these opportunities I get to work in different places and gain new experiences is for something coming up in the future I just need to sit tight and trust God.

The End.

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2 thoughts on “Help! I think I might be in the wrong Box…”

  1. Leaving this world without doing what I’m here to do terrifies me as well and I feel this way more often now that I’m a new wife and mom; like everyone is out there doing big things while I’m just at home. I got rebuked by the Holy Spirit though and was reminded that right now being wife to Chris and mom to Chidubem is my number one mission and one I must execute well. I know there is still more out there for me though but I’m learning to enjoy this season that I’m in without getting restless. God will show us our purpose(s). We just gotta keep trusting Him, Amen?!

    Liked by 1 person

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