What is it about trust that is so hard to understand? Why does it come and go and drive me crazy with its inconsistency? Why can I trust today and tomorrow writhe in the absence of it?

I can not understand why I feel it so strongly sometimes that is sends me into a peaceful sleep and other times the lack of it takes the appetite for food away from me. Is it because I have seen what people can really be like over and overย again? Or maybe because I know that people can’t really turn over a new leaf? So was I lying when I said yes, I have forgiven you and we can completely move on? Does it mean something that I can no longer kiss with both eyes closed because at every instance I must totally be aware? And what about gut feeling? Where does that leave it, should we just go through life with that sick intuitive feeling? And is it possible to feel peace without trust, because if it is can someone please tell me how I can get it and lay it as a blanket over the a troubled city which is my mind. I don’t have to have trust but I do have to stop feeling like this.


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